Everyone keeps asking me how the retreat went, my first thought is great! but, when asked for more it is hard to put into words everything God did there and in me! I started to write in my journal about a day or two after the retreat and here it is:
How do you describe peace? how do you describe freedom? I felt so heavy burdened and chained down before the retreat along with many other emotions; weak,dishearted,hopeful, useless, broken, scared — and believe it or not I felt them all at once! and now…. after more breaking, tears in the nigth and the rain, screaming, fighting…after surrendering ,forgiving and letting go I have peace. All I can really describe it as ( which is a common analogy I use ) is that before it was like I was standing in the middile of a tornado , like the actual cyclone and everything around me was moving at like a million miles an hour…I was trying to grab something, do something anything, breathe and I could not and now the tornado is going and I am just there….walking. I dont know what is next, dont know whats going to happen for next semester or next year and I am ok with that. I am still being broken, still being healed and yet there is JOY! Joy in knowing my creator is preparing me and preparing the way for His work for me to do, Joy in His arms, in His presence!
The lord has showed me things I need to fix in some friendships, in myself, he broke through my pride and my selfishness and pierced my heart. I know He is at work and I am just walking, trying to just trust God in every momment in every day and as for now I am great! I am walking in the peace He has given me.
“He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?” (NKJV) Micah 6:8